I'm home. Not that it matters. I hate to be home. Maybe it's because it's tainted with familar blood that makes me regect it.Or maybe just the fact that I have to live here makes me hate it, but I don't have to live here in the first place. I should live here and I can think of many reasons that I should, but I don't have to. I don't have to live anywhere at all as a matter of fact.
I don't have to do anything anybody tells me to, but it's most likely in my best human intrest. I fall to all these human standards because it's what I am, although I complain about it and hate what they are I cannot deny that I'm human. I do what they do but I am different. Unlike most humans that get up from their beds and go to the bathroom in denile to wash their faces before making an apperance in the kitchen for breakfast. I do these things, but I do them differently. I question it. Waking up becomes a chore when you spend about 30 minutes trying to out way the positive reasons of why you should even bother getting out of the bed. The whole time in the kitchen sitting in a chair hypnotically eating cerel one bite after another, but the cerel isn't on your mind it's the questions of why your eating it. Who made cerel? Who died to give you this cerel? Gawd I have to get up at 5:00am in order to not miss my bus to hell. The short walk to the bus stop would normally take a average human about five minutes, but when I'm the soul walking the human it takes ten because I have to convince myself that eventually I will have good fortune after this. Why would anyone want to be in a building for six hours hating every minute of it when they could just stop. Stop caring. You see I don't care. I don't. But apparently I do because I try so hard. I even attempt to keep my grades up even if I can't understand what they'll benefit because I don't want to grow up. To cover up my hatred I talk to people. I make 'freinds'. But they aren't friends their really cover-up friends. They cover up the fact that I hate teenagers. I don't want to be normal. And I definetly don't want to be differnt then this brain I currently rein. I don't want to lose it. My greatest fear is losing this. You know those people that talk about how stupid they were when they were kids and how much they've changed and the person they've become? I don't want to be one of them I want to be the one who stayed the same. I know I might as well spend my life looking for neverland, but I don't want it. If I ever become 'normal' would someone just shoot me? h